\\\\\my ass is disgusting//////cellulite sucks\\\\\\

I had a pretty good day! I ate good, work wasn't overly busy, I worked out for an hour & a half... Came home, showered, looked at myself naked before getting dressed. I'm completely disgusted. What did I do to deserve all this cellulite on my thighs and ass? Answer.. I over indulged for too long, I was lazy for too long, I was obviously blind for too long...

Just more motivation. Looking in that mirror made me want to throw up. Then an overwhelming need to workout more. To push harder. To pay extra attention to the food going into my mouth.

I think about all the years I just floated along, I was just hanging out in my own life, not paying attention to what I was doing to myself, not paying attention to the crap food I are over and over.. And I look around me, and see ppl doing the same thing I did for so long.. And I feel for them.. Same ole, same ole isn't enough for this girl anymore.

#watchme

Thinking about being a little more consistent with my blog, writings, and thoughts......I'd thought about changing to a whole new blog, but the more I think about it, I hate to leave this blog, with esp much as I've written already... More consistency with my blog will mean a little more personal info.. hmmmmm.........

>>>>{on the verge}<<<<<

I sit here tonight, on the verge of a 10 lb loss. One that I thought would never come. One that I thought a magic pill or fad diet would bring. A loss that has come by hard work and control.. All those other attempts only consisted of hard work.. And no control over what I was shoving in my mouth. The past two weeks of saying "no I can't have that".. "No that wil make me fattER".. "I need a salad, grilled meat, and/or a vegetable" have really paid off. I'm so glad I found it in me to say NO, even when ppl around me are eating things I'd love to have. I'm so proud of all those no's now! I think in the days to come those no's will get easier.. I hope they do anyway... (Cause its been pretty stinkin' hard to turn down French fries) :/

Anyhow.. I tried a new interval workout Summer told me about tonight.. I think I may feel it in the morning! Maybe tomorrow's weigh-in will bring that 10 lb mark! :))

Sweet dreams friends!

•••••{{{{one close call}}}}•••••

We came terribly close to losing a rather important part of the family this last week.
We just didn't really know how close till yesterday...

First off, let me explain how much this place means to me.. There is something about summer time on the lake that fills an empty place in my soul. The sunshine, the water, being with friends, its just an indescribable feeling.. Anyone that has had it knows what I'm taking about.. But then again, maybe no one really knows but me..

When clay and I first started coming to smith lake, daddy was sick, i knew he was dying, I was 18, I was so confused about everything, my life had been turned completely upside down, I was a complete mess! I do have a lot of regrets from this time period, but those are not up for discussion today.. :/ anyhow, the happiness I experienced at the lake was an amazing feeling, especially at that time.. I didn't have to worry about anything that was wrong in my life, I didn't have to think about life without John Tidwell.. I didn't have to think, period.. Anyone who has experienced a great loss or tragedy knows that any escape from your personal hell is, well, there isn't a word for the feeling, it's simply amazing..

Smith Lake was escape from my hell, a 2 hour drive straight into heaven...

The lake has a rock bottom so the water is super clean! Not muddy & murky like typical lake water... It's just beautiful.

July 4th 2004 clay proposed to me at our old lake place, which was about hundred yards from where we are now.. You can stand at our new place & throw a rock & hit the spot where the old trailer stood..
Smith Lake is just very, very dear to my heart.. I have so many wonderful memories from there.. Yellow Creek to be exact...

Anyway.. Late last Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning, an f1 tornado danced all around our little lake house... The road to the house looked like a bomb exploded.. Even though by the time we got to go check it all out, we knew the house and the houses closest to us, were fine, there was still a terrible sinking feeling driving down the road to the house.. It's a miracle our houses were standing, with no damage... The yard and the boat dock weren't so lucky, but nothing that can't be replaced or repaired.. Thank goodness!

Our little lake house isn't much, but it means the world to me. So grateful it's still there!

(Actually blogged the first wk of feb, but edited march 6th)

•••••••6lb victory••••••••

Writing you from the stationary bike::

I'm feeling pretty good about losing 6lbs.. Six pounds loss that was all me... I did that.. (except for some wonderful eating advice from a friend) it was all me...

This journey to change my thoughts, change my eating habits, change my activity level, to change my LIFE, is slow. Some days are better than others.. Some are easier than others.. But the hard days are getting a little easier.. The easy days are actually enjoyable! This journey started a long time ago.. But I've finally committed to it this time, really I have.. For reals this time... LOL. And I'm loving it.

I'm loving that the scales moved.... I'm hoping they will continue to do so..

Today's workout consisted of::
20 minutes stationary bike
10 minutes stair master
10 minutes arc trainer
15 minutes stationary bike
Various weight machines for legs

I'm very thankful today for every wonderful person in my life, every opportunity I've been given, every blessing I've been granted...... Some things make you realize not everyone has what you have, no matter how little or how much... And we should all be thankful!

Have a great weekend!